FIC: Another Shot to Hell (1/1)
Aug. 8th, 2010 08:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tromanaTitle: Another Shot to Hell
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tromana
Rating: T
Characters: Jane/Lisbon
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: She hates being forced to remember, to deal with memories of times long gone. Because then, she has to think about what she’s actually done.
Notes: Written forandixx13 in the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
mentalistprompt fic meme.
Another Shot to Hell
The first time she shot a man to death, she landed up puking her guts out.
It didn’t matter that the bastard had killed two innocent children. The two kids were barely out of their nappies. They could have done anything with their lives. Found the cure to cancer, became one of Hollywood’s greats, simply raised a family. Anything. Instead, he’d cut their lives drastically short.
Just like she’d cut his short.
Did that mean she was now as bad as the murderer?
Bosco noticed. Relatively soon after, he noticed there was still something wrong with her.
Well, she’d given herself away. He’d asked Lisbon what her opinions were of a crime scene. How did she respond? With a hollow ‘it looks good’. After a pointed gaze, she managed to get herself back into gear, at least for the rest of the afternoon. Bosco knew that the sullen mood would eventually return though. He already knew Lisbon well enough to know that that was just what she was like.
Besides, it was only natural for her to brood a little. It happened to every young rookie who was new on the block. Well, every young rookie who had the misfortune of having to shoot a criminal to death to save the lives of themselves and their partner.
He also knew that Lisbon would get over it though, even if it was something she would always remember. She was tough. She was a fighter. And it didn’t require much of his own interventions to help her get back on track.
Within six months, she was in the employ of the California Bureau of Investigation, the CBI.
Just as she always deserved to be.
000
She didn’t have a choice. She knew she didn’t.
If Lisbon hadn’t have shot the man, it would have been her lying in the state morgue instead of him.
She tried not to dwell on it.
Her boss told her it was a job well done, patted her on the back. Then he informed her that as Dryer was being promoted to senior agent of another unit, she was to become his second in command.
He didn’t even notice she was still aching inside.
The discrepancy in her reaction and everyone else’s unnerved her. A man was dead and she was being promoted.
Just how did that work?
000
“I was told you did a good - great - job out in the field today, Agent Lisbon.”
“Sir?”
She always felt uncomfortable around Virgil Minelli. That was hardly surprising. He was the top dog in the CBI and ultimately, every decision came down to his say so.
Lisbon knew why she was here. She’d shot another man.
It was clear to anyone that she was becoming a little too trigger-happy. That meant she was a liability. In the next five seconds, Minelli was going to ask her to hand over her badge and gun and that was it.
She didn’t blame him. Were the shoe on the other foot…
“You are being promoted, Agent.”
“Pardon?”
“How does senior agent of the SCU sound to you?”
It was becoming increasingly bizarre. Every time she killed somebody, instead of being reprimanded, she was congratulated for it.
000
Ever since her promotion, she had relaxed a little around Minelli. He was one of the few men who was willing to fight in her corner. He praised her when she earned it and supported her whenever a case turned sour. She knew she couldn’t ask for a better boss.
There was something else she could ask for though.
“The Red John case,” she stated and Minelli looked at her with interest. “I want it.”
Red John was like a poison apple, the cause of many a good agent’s downfall. A couple died, one was driven insane, but most simply gave up. The last senior agent who had dealt with it had ended up cutting his losses and taking a quiet sheriff‘s job back east. There were less people for him to shoot to kill there. Besides, the infamous serial killer was a step too far for him.
“Fine. But only if you’re willing to work with Patrick Jane as well.”
“Fine.”
000
With Patrick Jane around, the bodies seemed to pile up faster than ever before.
Each one weighed down on her conscience just a little bit more than the previous one.
000
Hardy died because Jane pulled the trigger.
Not her, Patrick Jane.
Though she hated seeing Dr. Roy Carmen and would never admit it, least of all to the psychologist, he was right. She wasn’t over it. Hadn’t adjusted to the fact that somebody else had died in her place again. It didn’t matter at all that she wasn’t the one who fired the gun; her guilt complex needed very little excuse to kick in.
It was just a part of who she was.
There was a reason she bottled things up, rather than talked openly about them. She hates being forced to remember, to deal with memories of times long gone. Because then, she has to think about what she had actually done.
Think about the number of bodies, continually building up.
All because of her.
And there was seemingly nothing she could do to stop it.
Carmen, even with his ulterior motives, was clever enough to work it out though. He knew that Lisbon’s mind was her own worst enemy and he played on it, simply to keep her in his presence for long enough.
If he wasn’t trying to set her up for a crime she didn’t commit, he would have quite liked to have helped her. Stopped Lisbon from viciously pulling herself apart at every given opportunity.
Instead, he added a severe distrust of shrinks to her ongoing list of problems.
000
It was grief (and several shots of tequila) that forced her straight into Patrick Jane’s open arms.
Unlike Carmen, who forced her to remember, he was there to help her forget.
Mainly, because he wanted to forget too.
Lisbon, naturally blamed herself. If she’d been there quicker, if they’d agreed to give the family the protection they’d asked for. If she had caught the bastard three weeks earlier when they had had the chance, then maybe, just maybe, another little girl wouldn’t have died of a gunshot wound.
There was no denying that the lows of her job were incredibly low.
And Jane, he blamed them both for the sorry situation. He wasn’t as used to cases going pear-shaped as she was.
Very little can be solved through sex. If anything, with two people as messed up as they were, it did more harm than good. Neither of them stopped to think about that. They were both too busy trying to mask emotions they didn’t want to be feeling.
There would be time for the aftermath later.
000
They never expected the relationship to be more than a one night stand.
Neither complained when it did though.
When she had to shoot to kill, he was there. When Red John reared his ugly head, she helped him through the worst of it.
It was, surprisingly enough, a mutually beneficial relationship.
000
Of course, all good things had to come to an end.
“Do it,” he hissed and she could see the panic growing in the whites of his eyes. “Damn it, Lisbon, just shoot him.”
Lisbon knew she couldn’t make the shot. She couldn’t kill Red John without killing Jane too.
It was never meant to end like this though.
She pulled the trigger.
end
another day, another down
another shot to hell
another day, the numbers rise
straight into the ground
it's upside down, it's upside down.
- Upside Down, Peter Bradley Adams
Author:
tromana Rating: T
Characters: Jane/Lisbon
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: She hates being forced to remember, to deal with memories of times long gone. Because then, she has to think about what she’s actually done.
Notes: Written for
andixx13 in the mentalistprompt fic meme.Another Shot to Hell
The first time she shot a man to death, she landed up puking her guts out.
It didn’t matter that the bastard had killed two innocent children. The two kids were barely out of their nappies. They could have done anything with their lives. Found the cure to cancer, became one of Hollywood’s greats, simply raised a family. Anything. Instead, he’d cut their lives drastically short.
Just like she’d cut his short.
Did that mean she was now as bad as the murderer?
Bosco noticed. Relatively soon after, he noticed there was still something wrong with her.
Well, she’d given herself away. He’d asked Lisbon what her opinions were of a crime scene. How did she respond? With a hollow ‘it looks good’. After a pointed gaze, she managed to get herself back into gear, at least for the rest of the afternoon. Bosco knew that the sullen mood would eventually return though. He already knew Lisbon well enough to know that that was just what she was like.
Besides, it was only natural for her to brood a little. It happened to every young rookie who was new on the block. Well, every young rookie who had the misfortune of having to shoot a criminal to death to save the lives of themselves and their partner.
He also knew that Lisbon would get over it though, even if it was something she would always remember. She was tough. She was a fighter. And it didn’t require much of his own interventions to help her get back on track.
Within six months, she was in the employ of the California Bureau of Investigation, the CBI.
Just as she always deserved to be.
000
She didn’t have a choice. She knew she didn’t.
If Lisbon hadn’t have shot the man, it would have been her lying in the state morgue instead of him.
She tried not to dwell on it.
Her boss told her it was a job well done, patted her on the back. Then he informed her that as Dryer was being promoted to senior agent of another unit, she was to become his second in command.
He didn’t even notice she was still aching inside.
The discrepancy in her reaction and everyone else’s unnerved her. A man was dead and she was being promoted.
Just how did that work?
000
“I was told you did a good - great - job out in the field today, Agent Lisbon.”
“Sir?”
She always felt uncomfortable around Virgil Minelli. That was hardly surprising. He was the top dog in the CBI and ultimately, every decision came down to his say so.
Lisbon knew why she was here. She’d shot another man.
It was clear to anyone that she was becoming a little too trigger-happy. That meant she was a liability. In the next five seconds, Minelli was going to ask her to hand over her badge and gun and that was it.
She didn’t blame him. Were the shoe on the other foot…
“You are being promoted, Agent.”
“Pardon?”
“How does senior agent of the SCU sound to you?”
It was becoming increasingly bizarre. Every time she killed somebody, instead of being reprimanded, she was congratulated for it.
000
Ever since her promotion, she had relaxed a little around Minelli. He was one of the few men who was willing to fight in her corner. He praised her when she earned it and supported her whenever a case turned sour. She knew she couldn’t ask for a better boss.
There was something else she could ask for though.
“The Red John case,” she stated and Minelli looked at her with interest. “I want it.”
Red John was like a poison apple, the cause of many a good agent’s downfall. A couple died, one was driven insane, but most simply gave up. The last senior agent who had dealt with it had ended up cutting his losses and taking a quiet sheriff‘s job back east. There were less people for him to shoot to kill there. Besides, the infamous serial killer was a step too far for him.
“Fine. But only if you’re willing to work with Patrick Jane as well.”
“Fine.”
000
With Patrick Jane around, the bodies seemed to pile up faster than ever before.
Each one weighed down on her conscience just a little bit more than the previous one.
000
Hardy died because Jane pulled the trigger.
Not her, Patrick Jane.
Though she hated seeing Dr. Roy Carmen and would never admit it, least of all to the psychologist, he was right. She wasn’t over it. Hadn’t adjusted to the fact that somebody else had died in her place again. It didn’t matter at all that she wasn’t the one who fired the gun; her guilt complex needed very little excuse to kick in.
It was just a part of who she was.
There was a reason she bottled things up, rather than talked openly about them. She hates being forced to remember, to deal with memories of times long gone. Because then, she has to think about what she had actually done.
Think about the number of bodies, continually building up.
All because of her.
And there was seemingly nothing she could do to stop it.
Carmen, even with his ulterior motives, was clever enough to work it out though. He knew that Lisbon’s mind was her own worst enemy and he played on it, simply to keep her in his presence for long enough.
If he wasn’t trying to set her up for a crime she didn’t commit, he would have quite liked to have helped her. Stopped Lisbon from viciously pulling herself apart at every given opportunity.
Instead, he added a severe distrust of shrinks to her ongoing list of problems.
000
It was grief (and several shots of tequila) that forced her straight into Patrick Jane’s open arms.
Unlike Carmen, who forced her to remember, he was there to help her forget.
Mainly, because he wanted to forget too.
Lisbon, naturally blamed herself. If she’d been there quicker, if they’d agreed to give the family the protection they’d asked for. If she had caught the bastard three weeks earlier when they had had the chance, then maybe, just maybe, another little girl wouldn’t have died of a gunshot wound.
There was no denying that the lows of her job were incredibly low.
And Jane, he blamed them both for the sorry situation. He wasn’t as used to cases going pear-shaped as she was.
Very little can be solved through sex. If anything, with two people as messed up as they were, it did more harm than good. Neither of them stopped to think about that. They were both too busy trying to mask emotions they didn’t want to be feeling.
There would be time for the aftermath later.
000
They never expected the relationship to be more than a one night stand.
Neither complained when it did though.
When she had to shoot to kill, he was there. When Red John reared his ugly head, she helped him through the worst of it.
It was, surprisingly enough, a mutually beneficial relationship.
000
Of course, all good things had to come to an end.
“Do it,” he hissed and she could see the panic growing in the whites of his eyes. “Damn it, Lisbon, just shoot him.”
Lisbon knew she couldn’t make the shot. She couldn’t kill Red John without killing Jane too.
It was never meant to end like this though.
She pulled the trigger.
end
another day, another down
another shot to hell
another day, the numbers rise
straight into the ground
it's upside down, it's upside down.
- Upside Down, Peter Bradley Adams
